8:42 a.m., St. Paul, Minnesota: Brubaker breaks camp and repacks H2 for the last time. Holman is still sneezing regularly.
Minnesota: Spider Lake ORV...
Minnesota: Spider Lake ORV area offers wide trails that any 4x4 can do.
11:00 a.m., Apple Valley Farms, New Auburn, Wisconsin:Gaunt and hollow-eyed, we rendezvous with Apple Valley Farms owner Zeb Holder to do some 'wheeling. His kids, 2-year-old Cougar and 1-year-old Max, take one look at us disheveled dweebs and start to cry. We've been getting that a lot. Apple Valley Farms (www.rpm4x4.com) has been open for limited public 'wheeling for about four years. It encompasses more than 1,500 acres and sports more than 10 miles of trails. These trails range from easy to extremely difficult. Apple Valley offers about three public events per year, and camping is available right on the property on a huge plateau that overlooks the killer Wisconsin wooded scenery. Holder brought his '88 Samurai and Mike Hagen brought his '96 Tracker. Both rigs were built-to-the-hilt. They gleefully announce that we would explore the Red Trail and then the Yellow Trail. At this point we realize that there must be some sort of a nationwide conspiracy to lure the dumb magazine guys and their H2 onto the hardest trails. We unintentionally demonstrate the deer-in-the-headlight look. For the next hour we follow rigs that are half our size through trails designed for rigs half our size before we have to hit the highway (whew, no body damage). We swear we'll be back to experience these trails and this awesome park in the very near future.
5:35 p.m., Four Wheeler Midwest Bureau, Northern Illinois: We barely muster enough energy to eat pizza and write our blogs before we collapse into bed.
Illinois: With dirt from nine...
Illinois: With dirt from nine states covering our H2, we slid into Chicago's O'Hare International Airport to complete H2our De Force.
10:05 a.m., Four Wheeler's Semi-Secret Illinois Test Facility, Winnebago County, Illinois: Our last trail of H2our De Force is on the dirt roads that normally serve as a Midwest testing ground for many of Four Wheeler's test vehicles (and a portion of 4-Wheel & Off-Road's Ultimate Adventure '04). Like the roads in Montana, the ever-present ruts indicate how bad/good these roads can get. In the winter, these roads are not plowed, and in the summer they can get amazingly slick after it rains. Unfortunately for us, the area has been in a drought, so the roads are merely rutted and dusty. Surprisingly, there are numerous roads in rural northwest Illinois that aren't maintained-you just have to know where to look for them.
1:05 p.m., O'Hare International Airport, Chicago, Illinois: The looks we get were priceless as we dock our filthy H2 at the American Airlines departure terminal so Holman can catch a flight back to California. Unlike most H2s in Chicago, which are blinged out, ours was wearing a thick layer of dirt, mud, and bugs from nine states, a semi-tangled winch cable, and some small battle scars. After nine days together, Holman and Brubaker are fresh out of things to say. Everything that needed to be said (and a few things that didn't) have been said. After a couple of primal grunts, we just throw each other the newly created Four Wheeler gang sign and part company.
Much to the dismay (and disappointment) of the folks back at Four Wheeler HQ on Wilshire Boulevard in Los Angeles, Holman and Brubaker (better known as the Wilsha Thugboyz) never did kill or maim each other during H2our De Force.
Big thanks go out to the 'wheelers who helped make this trip happen. Sorry if we alienated you with our bizarre behavior, but we can guarantee it will happen again. The Hummer H2 ran flawlessly, and the Hummer accessory line roof-mounted lights, winch, and Rod Hall remote-reservoir shocks combined to make a great rig even better. We have an even deeper respect for the H2 after H2our De Force. We also have to bow our head in reverence to Garmin Industries. Their Bluetooth-enabled GPS 10 is most definitely the pooh when it comes to GPS-based mapping systems. Finally, we have to send major props to Coleman for their outstanding camping gear. We're dead serious when we say you won't regret spending your hard-earned Benjamins on their gear. This stuff is made by folks who love to camp for folks who love to camp, and it shows.
This isn't a good sign! |  This is legal in Montana....  This is legal in Montana. |  Hot chicks! ... where, wh...  Hot chicks! ... where, where? |
Now if you'll excuse us, we have to start planning for the next series of Brubaker and Holman misadventures.
Total miles traveled: 3,698
States traversed: 9
Best mpg: 11.93
Average mpg: 10.9
Worst mpg: 8.5
For even more photos of H2our De Force and to read our daily babble, get to fourwheeler.com/h2our. There you can read about our trip as it happened and see photos taken by our seriously disturbed pair of travelers.