The goals today are not just to see large felines and giraffes: We demand to drive the uber-Liberty, one with the diesel and the six-speed transmission. But before grabbing the keys to the holy grail, we need to simply survive an early-morning nature hike led by what appears to be a stick figure named Darryl, who carries a pocketknife and a Winchester .458. Jerry recalls the .458 getting bad press recently when game hunters found batches of ammo with poorly packed explosive charges that caused some bullets to barely produce enough thrust to fall out of the end of the barrel. Others had enough zip to leave the weapon but then merely skittered along the ground. The bad bullets were recalled and replacements were offered. We hope Darryl got the memo.
9:05 a.m.: We leave Elephant Valley and head to the Mabele Hills, through the Kasane Forest extension, then onto the main Kasane Ngoma road and to Chobe National Park. Ancient sand dunes make up the challenging sections of the off-road portion of today's drive, as do rocky, off-camber spots. Some of the Libertys withstand body damage, but it's really difficult to point the blame at the vehicle when it smacks a tree. The switch to the six-speed brings a refreshing introduction of power and control off-road over the automatic's performance-this is nearly mechanical perfection. Or at least until we hit the washboards and dirt trails with loose rocks ...
10:10 a.m.: ... which is when we begin to wonder why the six-speed's shifter pulsates like it's stirring an imaginary cauldron as we buzz down the road. Worse is the ground clearance, which is 6.4 inches to the front skidplate, about the same measurement as a '49 Mercury. This means that the littlest pebble bangs on the skidplate like a prisoner dragging his tin cup on the jail bars ("It hits everything!" is a popular phrase on this course). And while we're doling out minuses in off-road finesse, we might as well mention the attempt to "floor" the Liberty to get it out of the path of oversized wildlife; mashing the accelerator was reciprocated with us seeing the 4,000 redline in 0.1 second, Fourth gear. At least we got a close-up photo of an elephant.
12:35 p.m.: The Jeeps have remained in convoy procession, with the Americans at the back, which means CB announcements of animal sightings are nothing more than a tease of dust-settling footprints by the time we get there. Making matters worse, Group Americano is guided by a Flemish/Czech/Zulu-accented fellow, who leaves us asking after each point of interest, "What did he say?"
"The elephants in Chobe can bowl and hula for cockfights on Jupiter in September."
Wait-are we being Punk'd? Are we supposed to believe in such things as "Chobe chicken"? We travel a handful of miles before the airwaves are interrupted again by the ambiguous accent:
"The giraffes eat buildings for the toolbox over the silverware in Africa forward lunchbox."
There was no mistaking this one: Giraffes in our midst! A dozen clattering diesels should be enough racket to scatter big game herds from here to Zimbabwe, but we defy the odds: Within five minutes we see multiple giraffes, a crocodile, and, yes, a Chobe chicken.
3:45 p.m.: We are now to head back into Zambia by way of the Zambezi River, but this is not the return of the amphibious Jeep. We will be loading the Libertys onto a rickety little car ferry, which looks like a candidate for World's Worst Ferry Disasters on Fox. Wonder how long a Liberty can float, given its 4,372-pound dead, er, curb weight? It is agreed: not long. It might bob a second or two longer than a Grand Cherokee, which is 400 pounds heavier.
3:58 p.m.: Land! Specifically the Kazungula Border Post, and from here it is about an hour's drive back through the Zambezi National Park and into Livingstone.
4:45 p.m.: Cue the monkeys.
* There is a Fawlty Towers Hotel in Zambia.
* The highest population of elephant in the world can be found at Chobe National Park; it is about 70,000.
* The bushmen of Namibia are the oldest inhabitants of Africa.
* The roof lights on the Liberty Renegade are optional; they'll save you $120.