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April 2010 Off-Road Rant - Editorial

Posted in Features on April 1, 2010
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Man, I had a great editorial lined up for this month. I've been doing a little research on the side and was able to come up with a way to make cold fusion energy cheap and feasible in every home across America. But that was before I received a bacon wallet in the mail. And I got to thinking, "Who's interested in solutions to cold fusion when we could be talking about bacon, the wondermeat?!"

It's no wonder my senior editor, Jordan May, sent me my new wallet. I often preach how bacon is one of the greatest gifts man has ever received-it's deliciousness that even vegetarians can succumb to, its portability in a plastic baggie, and its potential as a form of currency.... A bushel of wheat would be two pounds of bacon. A water-pump repair would be eight pounds of bacon. Chewing gum would cost just half a strip of bacon.

I blame the poultry and beef industries that bacon isn't already used more widely in various applications. It can be used as a bandage to keep swelling down, as a substandard glue, and as scratch remover on paint. To prevent retina burns, bacon can even be placed over the eyes during sunbathing. Let's see chicken help prevent retina burns! Again, just to reiterate: Bacon is good. Chicken and beef are The Man. Try using bacon to pay for your next transaction. It only takes one to start a revolution!

Happy April Fools. You didn't think I was serious did, you?!

Since I already wasted the first half of my editorial page on something that absolutely will not benefit or better your life in any way, I wanted to finish it off by congratulating my little brother on finally graduating from Cal Poly San Luis Obispo as a mechanical engineer. Since he's already gotten two job offers and is probably going to make double my salary his first year out, I'm really glad to have given him so many truck parts over the years.

This also seems like a perfect time to show you this picture of my brother's pillow. Note the T-shirt pillowcase that really just needs no explanation. I saw this, snapped a picture, and fell to the floor laughing. After I got back up I told my little bro that someday this picture would see the light of day. Congrats on graduating, Jordan. I'm happy to have one last thing to remind you of what you'll hopefully never have to do again.

This month:
This month we got into some cool suspension upgrades you can do. We also got a little further (but didn't finish) our fullsize Cherokee on 47-inch tires. And we finally got an S-10 project!

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