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Rant Editorial - Sick of Wranglers

Posted in Features on October 1, 2012
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Let’s just start this by giving you my email address: This will make it easier to reference for the hate mail you’re about to write.

But I can’t take it any longer: I am sick of Wranglers. JK (’07-to-present) Wranglers specifically. I can’t stand them. Years ago, I’d go to an off-road event or show and there’d be Chevys, Fords, Dodges, Jeeps, Suzukis, Toyotas, and sometimes really cool weird stuff. Now I just see a sea of Wranglers. Dumb, slow, over-capable Wranglers that barely need any modifications to be good weekend warriors.

I’m guessing I do not stand alone. I see even CJ owners snarl at these newbie Jeeps sometimes. No one who just spent years building their off-road vehicle likes to be outclassed by some off-the-showroom grocery getter that can haul its family of four and the damned dog up into places that you couldn’t reach for the first half of your wheeling life. If that isn’t enough, everyone and their mom seem to have one.

Some people estimate that more than half the off-road parts sold in this country get bolted onto a new Wrangler. Really?! That is just scarily unoriginal.

I want to see different vehicles! I’d feel the same way about Chevys if there were Chevy fullsize trucks everywhere (so don’t think I’m hating on Jeeps).

Variety is the spice of life, right? Americans are famous for it! We’re the type of people that go buy a different car when our neighbor’s ride matches ours. So what the heck happened? How did half the wheeling world end up with the same 4x4?!

Though, for me, I don’t think that it’s just that there are too many JK Wranglers out there. I think I might be bothered by (and maybe even a tad envious of) the fact that these bolt-on crap magnets offer access that other off-roaders have to work for. And that is to the Wrangler’s credit. There is no denying that these (basically fullsize) Jeeps are excellently built and lend themselves beautifully to aftermarket modifications. That, plus the fact you can now get a four-door family truckster to take everyone along, is why they are so popular.

But maybe I don’t want everyone to have access to all the good stuff so easily. It’s sort of like putting cement walkways through forests. Or maybe like putting an escalator to the top of Mt. Everest. Maybe it was better when you had to work for it. How do you think an Everest climber would feel running into some dude at the top, sipping a latte while standing around in duck shoes?

That is evolution though. Things get easier and better and give more people access for less work.

I’m guessing there was even something rewarding about getting your own milk straight from the cow in the old days, too. But personally I like just opening my fridge to grab a glass.

I guess that the new Wrangler is just that ready-to-buy half-gallon of milk that allows me--a guy that wouldn’t go yank udders for his own milk--to drink milk. And I’m guessing that there is some dairy farmer somewhere grumbling about how I don’t really appreciate milk….

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