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The Sh!tbox Derby Part 3

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Christian Hazel
| Brand Manager, Four Wheeler
Posted November 1, 2010
Photographers: JP Staff

Part 3: Gentlemen, Finish Your Buildups!

Pencils down in three, two, one, finish! That's right. It's time for the staffers to wrap up their sh!%box buildups and make ready for the actual derby day. What lies in store for these piles of Jeep dung saved from a cocoon of neglect, apathy, and exposure to the elements? Have they been resurrected only to get relegated once again to the realm of abused and broken-down Jeepdom? Well, yeah, eventually. But between then and now we'll wring all the fun out of 'em that's humanly possible. And we'll start it with the Sh!%box Derby, which you'll read about next month.

We know you are tingling with anticipation, but since the event hasn't taken place as of this writing, we decided to squeeze in another buildup installment. Cappa has been more or less finished with his rig since last month's installment (The Sh!%box Derby Part II), so he had to pull a couple of parts installs out of his butt to fill his assigned pages. Well, not literally pull them out of his butt. What we mean is, we're sure he doesn't keep Jeep parts back there. Or maybe he does. He's been living alone a long time and people get weird. Who knows. Regardless, his flattie is ready and waiting, reserving what little life the tired engine has left in its cylinder walls for what may lie ahead next month.

And Trasborg you ask? We're not really sure, since Trasborg's life seems to mimic one of his Jeep's engine bays: cluttered with a lot of excessive baggage, complicated schematics, and a fair bit of surperflousicity. We assumed he would be following standard Trasborgian protocol, ignoring overheating issues and engine sputters in favor of bashing ahead with an HID stereo display upgrade or a visor-mounted camera install so he could check his hair part. However, in addition to trying to make a tow rig he got for free run and drive like a $30,000 truck, chasing down and collecting Jeep parts that he doesn't need all over the country, and perhaps crafting his own microbrew (not really, but it sounds like something he'd do), it looks like Pete has really been searching for new dwellings he can afford on an editor's salary-and that ain't easy. After all, not too many refrigerators come inside those big, comfy cardboard boxes anymore. So although Pete may be homeless and living in his Comanche by the time the Derby rolls around, we're sure he'll have it fully-mobile so the fuzz doesn't roust him out of his camping spots.

Attention-whore Hazel has been updating his CommanD'oh build in jpmagazine.com's Blog section with a ferocity rivaling a junior high school girl's Facebook page, so we're sure none of this month's buildup installment will hold any surprises. And since his little "wah, I have too many projects to deal with and I need a diaper change" breakdown of a few weeks ago that caused him to unload several project vehicles, he should have no excuses for not having the Comman D'oh fully-operational come Derby day. But if he doesn't, pretty much any vehicle in Hazel's arsenal qualifies as a sh!%box, so he has a solid reserve serving stand-in duty.

Enjoy the build wrap-ups this month. The vehicles should (more or less) be in the same condition when they roll onto the field of battle. And be sure to tune in next month for the epic finale of the Sh!%box Derby!

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